What Street Party could learn from Mardis Gras

When we're brainstorming an issue of ArtScene, we tend to just yank any idea out of the air and run with it as far as we can go. Sometimes that gets us to some interesting places, sometimes that gets us to some entertaining places, and sometimes that just gets us to some odd places.

The "What Street Party could learn from Mardis Gras" piece was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek look at decadence of the New Orleans festival, and how we could take some inspiration from that decadence.

We yanked the story from print mostly because there wasn't room for it, but also because -- of the stories we had to choose from for the yanking -- this one seemed like it had the most potential to offend. It wasn't our intention at all to offend the Street Party -- in fact, we're quite fond of them -- but sometimes the best of intentions pave the road to hell. And sometimes they just piss people off.

I'm running this story here with the disclaimer that we do not hate the street party, we do not think there's anything wrong with the street party, and do not think the street party need to do anything to improve. Though, you know, I wouldn't complain about the whole "beads for breasts" thing.

At first glance, there seems to be little in common between the Williams Lake Street Party, and the Mardis Gras festivities that occur annually in New Orleans. Yes, they are both street festivals of some degree, but the similarities pretty much end there.

But should they? Thousands of people from around the world descend on New Orleans every year in January to participate in the weeks-long party, and then spend the next several months recuperating from the experience. It's obviously a massive boost to their tourism revenue, and perhaps other regions -- ours included -- could learn a few tips from the event. Here's a few thoughts on ideas that could be borrowed from Mardis Gras and adapted into our own Street Party.

#1. Everyone Loves A Parade.
Yes, the Williams Lake Stampede is opened each year with its own parade, but that's just one. Mardis Gras has a parade every single day of the festival. I'll say that again -- they have a parade every single day. Now, granted, its conceivable that many of the floats are recycled day after day, but it's not like anyone will notice, what with the whole being drunk thing.

#2. Costumes aren't just for Halloween
One of the best things about roaming the streets of New Orleans during Mardis Gras is having the opportunity to see a wide variety of complicated and creative costumed, worn by the wilder of the revelers. And because the whole Mardis Gras thing is pretty darn decadent to begin with, many of the costumes are designed to show maximum skin. And there's nothing wrong with bumping into that sort of thing on a stroll through downtown.

#3. Beads, beads, beads.
Strings of beads have been handed out to participants of Mardis Gras since at least the late 19-century, but it's the more recent tradition of women baring the breasts in exchange for them that is the Mardis Gras tradition worth borrowing. They're already tipsy, they're already scantily clad, why not flash a little bit more skin in exchange for a worthless gift being handed over by a sweaty male who's smiling just a little bit too widely? To fit a bit better with the timing of Street Party during stampede season, we could exchange beads for bolo ties.

#4. "My Parents Went To Street Party And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt"
Mardis Gras is a marketing dream, helped considerably by the fact that, as a holiday, no one company can claim exclusive rights to selling Mardis Gras products. And, of course, everyone wants to bring a souvenir of their trip back home, whether as a keepsake for themselves, or something to give to the relatives who couldn't make the festivities in the first place. After incorporating these other suggestions into the Williams Lake Street Party, we'll be sure to have enough tourists rubbing shoulders on our streets that the sort of money we could make from the sales of souvenirs would be literally astronomical. Which is good, because the clean-up job required after everything is said and done certainly won't be cheap.

Don't get me wrong, There's no problems with our current Street Party -- it's an enjoyable street festival, with an incredible amount of information to offer. But there's room for improvement in everything, and if you're going to look to improve, why not reach for the stars?

What to do on Mother's Day if you're a cyborg

This was originally written by Todd as a humourous sidebar for the Mother's Day Feature. It was drastically modified and run over the course of three pages in the folio filler space (that's what we call the little grey-boxed blurbs at the bottom of each page).

As originally envisioned, it was going to be about what to do if you don't have a mother in general, but after some consideration, it seemed like making fun of orphans might not actually be that funny, so we modified the subject so that it was about cyborgs specifically. Because, like orphans, they don't have mothers. But unlike orphans, they're harder to offend. This is that version in its entirety, as an unedited, first draft. Enjoy.

If you’re a cyborg from the future, sent back in time to kill a young boy who will eventually become the leader of the underground human army, you probably don’t have a mother. Which can make things awkward on Mother’s Day. Here are a few tips on things you can do to pass the time while everyone else is celebrating the beauty of motherhood.

CALL YOUR CREATOR
If you were supplied with a cell phone that can send messages into the future, you could call the mad scientist who laboured for years to bring you to sort-of life. He’s probably the closest thing you have to a parental figure, and if he’s like most mad scientists, you’re probably the closest thing he has to offspring. A hunch-backed lab assistant doesn’t really count.

GO TO A MOVIE
Most cinemas have a variety of films to choose from, so make sure you avoid films described as “Touching,” or “A heart-wrenching drama about family.” It’ll just remind you of the mother-vacancy in your life. Instead, watch something brutal and violent and filled with blood and dismemberment. It’ll help you to stay focused on your mission. “300” might be a good choice.

HAVE A QUIET DINNER AT HOME
Whether you want to slave over the stove to fix yourself a five course meal, or just dial up the local pizza joint for a delivery order, spending a little “You” time at home can help wash away the blues. Feel free to have a few too many drinks. Go ahead no one’s watching. And if they are, you can probably spot them with your X-Ray / Infrared vision. And at that point, they won’t be watching for long.

BLOW STUFF UP.
Sometimes experiencing mindless violence vicariously isn’t good enough. Sometimes you need to have a hand in it yourself.

Edit: In retrospect, I think the Folio Filler version of this was actually funnier.

Celebrating Mothers

Even though it was our first issue, and even though it ended up a little smaller than we had originally thought, there were still a few pieces that didn't make the final cut. Here's a look at a handful of "Mothers" through history, penned by Juli Smith, that was intended for the first issue of ArtScene.

Mothers Day. It brings up notions of home cooking and hugs, bandages and talks, scolding and love. A salute to the image of Supermom, a woman who is always attentive, never misses a soccer match, bakes brownies from scratch, keeps the house clean and inviting while cooking gourmet and running a company, the woman who never sleeps, hardly eats and can still fit into the jeans she wore in high school. Or at least that is what we are supposed to believe. A day to celebrate mothers everywhere. To show the women in our lives that the sacrifices they have made are not unnoticed, that there is some thanks for the job they do. One day to give her a break, and tell her that she is special and her work is superb.

The first mothers, the ones who started it all, do they get a fair mention in the whole Mothers Day process? In most religions, most traditions, we were spawned from one mother; the beginning, the Alpha, the first maternal symbol. On one hand there is Eve, meaning living one or life, mother of all mankind – depending on who you talk to; she is the original mother, created by God himself as the perfect parent for man kind. Made from a rib, mother to nations – that’s an awful lot of children. The first to succumb to temptation, the woman who had the nerve to bite the apple – see all mothers are not perfect. Though imagine the stress of having to go out and replenish the earth, could lead a woman to drinking, at that point a little bit of fruit wouldn’t seem quite so bad. Or on the flip side Mother Earth. The birthplace of all things created. The arms which hold us in her grasp when we curl on the green grass. The subject of oh so many bumper stickers, and the feature of neopagan goddess worship, “Gaia”, earth, the symbolic meeting of the witch, the virgin and the crone.

The beginnings, as real or imagined as they may be, are wonderful, but to coin a phrase “what have you done for me lately?” What about the real women who have made our planet just a little better?

Mother Theresa, not really a mother at all, well, not in the whole giving birth sense of the world, though when looking up good mothers, her name is inevitably at the top of the list. Is it because she had a great sense of style, or perhaps an eloquent way of speaking? Or rather is it because of all the time she spent with 3 changes of clothes and a bible changing kids lives one by one? Perhaps it is because everyone could relate to being one of those that she cared for; in her own words, "the hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, all those people who feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for throughout society, people that have become a burden to the society and are shunned by everyone." From 1950 at the start of her diocesan congregation which would become the Missionaries of Charity, to her death on September 5, 1997, nine days after her 87th birthday, Mother Theresa was a pioneer for women, mothers and sisters, daughters, wives, a tangible sense of good in a world that can be, at times, lacking that quality. But there is more to good mothering than self sacrifice and world media coverage. Or at least one would hope there is.

There are mothers who have overcome amazing feats: The wife of Feodor Vassilyev from the village of Shuya, who, over the span of 30 years in the 1700’s, gave birth to 69 children during 27 pregnancies. The poor woman produced 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four quadruplets. That has to deserve a medal of some sort, a moment of silence, a vacation in the Bahamas, a concubine for her husband to give the poor woman a little bit of rest. I would hate to think about the poor state of her innards, not to mention her mind. Oh the diapers!

Or what of the great and powerful works of Ms Angelina Jolie? Working on starting her own United Nations, her multi-cultured babies and her sexiest-man-alive partner form the Ultimate Dream. Looks, money, charity, goodwill ambassador, travel, love and good squishy feelings. All this while managing to look like a goddess and speak adoringly about your fantastic sex life. Yes, this woman is so perfect a mother that even Mother Theresa would hate her just a little bit I am sure.

But no matter who you are: soccer mom extrodinairre to world travelling socialite mom to the modern day version of Roseanne Barr, this Mothers Day is for you! Take some time for yourself. Grab a bag of Purdy’s and sit back, you deserve the break. Let someone else run the world, just for the day – God knows you’ll have to clean it up tomorrow.